Good News For Local Restaurants

Jul 14

For those of you worried about the fate of local restaurants (and waistlines), this just in…

McDonald’s Stock Slides As More Consumers Turn To Food
OAK BROOK, IL—The McDonald’s Corporation announced Tuesday that it will close 175 restaurants and cut nearly 600 corporate jobs, responding to a plunge in stock prices blamed on a depressed economy and rising consumer interest in actual food.

“Though still America’s number-one hamburger retailer,” McDonald’s CEO Jim Cantalupo said, “we have entered a brief period of restructuring due to the steady growth of other convenience eateries and, more significantly, growing competition from producers and distributors of demonstrably nutritive matter, i.e. food.”

For more on this story (and other great bits like this one), please visit The Onion.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *